


Year of Hell

by Ghost_Writer_SN



Category: iCarly
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 01:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20322652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghost_Writer_SN/pseuds/Ghost_Writer_SN
Summary: We've all had bad years, but are they truly that bad?





	Year of Hell

Freddie Benson sat in his darkened home office, the only source of light was two computer monitors that he was absent-mindedly staring at though not “seeing” what was on them. Tears filled the twenty-four-year-old's eyes for what seemed the thousandth time that week. Two of Freddie’s closest friends, Carly and Spencer, were especially worried about their longtime friend after the last of what turned into a long line of grief-inducing incidents.

Freddie’s phone lit up for the tenth time in the last hour, but he didn’t bother to look to see who was calling him. He knew that it was Carly trying to reach out to him, but Freddie didn’t want to talk to Carly or anyone else for that matter. The only thing Freddie wanted was to have his wife, Sam back but knew that there was no chance in hell of that happening.

Standing up, Freddie made his way over to the built-in bookcase and removed several books to access the safe hidden behind them. Entering the access code, Freddie opened the door and removed a lockbox from the safe. Freddie returned to his desk, not bothering to close the door of the safe and sat back down in his chair. Unlocking the box, Freddie pulled out several pieces of paper and a small revolver. 

He held the weapon in his hand for a moment before also pulling out a small box of ammunition. Loading the gun with a single bullet, Freddie looked at the background images on the monitors, which caused more tears to fill his eyes. One monitor showed a picture of himself and Sam on their wedding day and on the other monitor was a collage with images of Sam, his mother Marissa, and two ultrasound images. Each of the photos once held special meaning for Freddie, but now they only reminded him of everything he had lost in the last year.

Over the last year, Freddie’s happiness had been slowly chipped away by several tragic events. The first was the loss of his mother, Marissa from a cerebral aneurysm that while it had been detected by an MRI scan, was not deemed to be an immediate danger to his mother. Just one week after it was discovered and a mere hour before the surgery to remove it, Marissa was dead. Losing his mother was a devastating blow to Freddie, Sam felt a profound loss as well, even if she and Marissa didn’t always see eye to eye. This would end up being the first incident in what would become Freddie Benson’s personal year of hell.

While Freddie’s life would never be completely whole ever again, it did get better over the next few months. It was, in fact, three months to the day of his mom’s death that Freddie would receive some excellent news. Sam had been feeling out of sorts, well out of sorts for Sam at least. She hadn’t been eating as much and would sleep more than she did on an average day. Sam begrudgingly made an appointment with their family doctor just to appease him.

Unfortunately, Sam’s appointment was scheduled for a time that Freddie would not be able to go with her, which Freddie figured Sam did intentionally because she wouldn’t want him to continue pestering her. When Freddie returned home from work, Sam was already back and was sitting on the couch watching Celebrities Underwater. “How did your appointment go,” Freddie asked, leaning down to kiss Sam. “It was fine,” Sam said, trying to hide the grin that threatened to cross her face.

Freddie noticed this and was curious as to why a doctor’s visit would have that effect on Sam who in no uncertain terms despised going to see one. Freddie sat down next to Sam, “okay, so what did the doctor say? Is it the flu or just a cold,” he asked? “No, it’s a cold or the flu,” Sam said as she grabbed what looked to be a piece of paper from her purse and handed it to Freddie. Looking at the blank piece of paper caused apparent confusion for Freddie, which Sam took notice of very quickly, “turn it over Freddork,” she said a lite chuckle escaping. Turning over the paper in his hand, Freddie was still somewhat confused by the black and white photo he was now looking at.

It took Freddie roughly thirty seconds to finally realize what he was looking at, “is this? Is this what I think it is,” he asked. Sam being Sam, responded with, “I guess that depends on what you think “it” is,” she said. A wide grin found its way onto Freddie’s face, “are you preg…, are, are we having a baby,” he asked the smile getting larger. Sam placed her right hand on her still flat stomach, “that’s right mama’s got a bun in the…” she was stopped mid-sentence by Freddie crashing his lips to hers.

After several minutes they finally parted both grinning stupidly. “I can’t believe it,” Freddie said, looking lovingly at Sam, “we’re having a baby.” Freddie couldn’t have been happier, and he had to admit that ever since his mother had died, he hadn’t honestly been content until now. Freddie wasn’t just delighted when he would look at the ultrasound image, he was ecstatic. Freddie, being the tech geek he was scanned the picture and set it as his desktop background later that night after Sam had gone to bed.

A few weeks later, Freddie arrived home to find Sam in their bedroom, doubled over in pain. “Sam,” he said, worriedly seeing her holding her stomach. “Sam, what’s wrong,” he asked, worriedly quickly crossing the room to her. “I’m not sure, but the pain is excruciating,” Sam managed to get out before an even more intense pain struck her. Freddie carefully picked her up, “come on, I’m taking you to the ER,” he said fully expecting Sam to argue with him. Sam, however, was in too much pain to fight so instead she curled up in Freddie’s arms allowing him to carry her to the car.

Freddie managed to get Sam to the ER in less than ten minutes, and due to the intense pain, and the fact that she was two months pregnant, Sam was taken back immediately. While waiting for the ER doctor, the pain in Sam’s abdomen had actually gotten worse, and both Freddie and Sam were terrified because of it. “Freddie, I,” Sam paused and was about to continue, “I know Sam, but we need to try and stay as positive as possible,” he said not feeling a quarter as positive as he was trying to be. “You still have your appendix, maybe this is appendicitis,” Freddie commented, praying that he was right.

Sam looked at Freddie as if his head was on backward, “We’ve both known people that have had appendicitis, and they’ve never indicated this level of pain. Hell, even Carly said it wasn’t terrible, and you know how girly Carly can be,” Sam said matter of factly. Freddie’s face faltered he knew Sam was right, but that only made him feel worse. They were losing their baby, and Freddie felt helpless to do anything. It wasn’t until the doctor came in several minutes later and confirmed their worst fears that Freddie’s year of hell began.

It took several months before Sam and Freddie felt ready to try for another baby. It had been six months since the loss of their first baby and nine months since Marissa’s death when Sam found out once again that she was pregnant. Because of what happened to her earlier pregnancy, Sam was leery of saying anything even to Freddie, but she decided against keeping it from him. Later that night as they lay in bed, Sam turned to face Freddie, “Freddie,” she said, placing her hand on his arm. Freddie set his phone down and turned to face his wife. “Freddie, I need to tell you something, but it’s making me nervous,” she said.

Freddie took hold of Sam’s hand, kissed it, and then looked her in the eyes, “Sam, whatever it is, you can tell me.” Sam knew Freddie was right, but she also knew that he would be excited when she told him she was pregnant again. Taking in several deep breaths before blurting out, “Freddie, I’m pregnant.” Freddie smiled widely, “Sam, that’s great,” he said, but Sam noticed that something was off with him, and she knew it was the same concern she had when learning of the second pregnancy. They were both worried that something would go wrong with this pregnancy, just like their first one. Losing one child was nightmarish for them, Sam did not want to think about what it would be like to lose a second baby as well.

The first two and a half months of Sam’s second pregnancy went by with no issues, and both she and Freddie were finally beginning to relax about their second pregnancy. Sam was already home from work and was starting dinner for herself and Freddie when the phone rang. Glancing at her cellphone, Sam saw that it was her sister Melanie that was calling. Sam tapped the answer button, “Hey Mel, what’s up,” Sam asked as she continued working on dinner, but Melanie did not say anything. “Mel, are you there,” Sam asked, starting to wonder why Melanie was not responding.

There was more silence from Melanie’s end of the phone, “Mel, are you there,” Sam questioned loudly to try and get Melanie’s attention. Sam didn’t hear anything out of the ordinary on the call so she figured that her sister must have inadvertently purse dialed her and did not know Sam attempting to get her attention. Sam disconnected the call deciding to call Melanie back later and give her crap for the unexpected phone call.

Continuing to work on dinner, Sam stepped over to a cabinet, opened it and began looking through the jars of spices, “damn it, we don’t have any rosemary,” she said, irritated with herself for not checking that they had everything before beginning. “Well, if we’re only missing the rosemary, then I’ll just skip it,” Sam thought to herself as she looked through the cabinets for the remaining items. Unfortunately for Sam, they ended up missing several more things that Sam would definitely need to finish dinner. Sam picked up her cell and was about to tet Freddie when she heard the front door open.

“I’m in the kitchen,” Sam called out not moving from the stove. When there was no response from the front room and Freddie had not come in, Sam began to worry. Sam was confident that the front door opened, and someone stepped in, but maybe she only thought she heard the door. What Sam didn’t know was that someone had indeed come in through the front door, but it was not Freddie, nor was it anyone Sam knew. Sam was also unaware that she was being watched by the same unknown man who had walked into her home as she texted Freddie asking to pick up the missing ingredients she needed.

Once Freddie responded, Sam, turned the stove down to let the food simmer until Freddie got home. Walking into the living room, Sam felt a chill run down her spine, which was odd as it had never happened in the two years that she and Freddie had lived there. Sam ignored it and sat down in the recliner and turned the TV on to find something to watch. Unable to find anything she wanted to watch, Sam decided to catch a quick nap before Freddie returned and she finished dinner. Sam placed both hands on her slightly distended belly and closed her eyes.

Sam was jolted awake when someone placed their hand over her mouth, “if you scream or give me any trouble at all, I will kill you,” said a gruff voice. Sam usually had no issue with taking down anyone, but besides the fact that she had no idea who was behind her, Sam also had to think about their unborn child. Sam stopped struggling, at least for the moment, to let her assailant know that she would cooperate. The man leaned in close to Sam, “you chose wisely,” he said, running one of his dirty fingers down her cheek. It was at this point that Sam noticed a god awful stench coming from the scuzzball holding her captive in her home.

The stench was so intense that Sam almost vomited, and that more than anything caused her to once again try to get away from her attacker. As soon as Sam tried to pull away, Sam’s attacker yanked her back hard and backhanded Sam across the face for the effort. “I told you not to give me any trouble,” he said as he pulled out a switchblade and opened it. He ran the tip of the blade over Sam’s cheek, not hard enough to do any damage, but enough to know that it could if or when he chose to. For the first time in her life, Sam was well and truly terrified and hoped that Freddie would be home soon and hopefully scare this lunatic away.

Freddie Benson had finally gotten to the grocery store, picked up the items Sam had asked for and was now waiting in line to pay for the things. Freddie had no way of knowing what was happening to Sam at their house or what would happen when he finally returned.

The foul-smelling man had stopped running his knife over Sam’s cheek and placed it at her throat, “I was going to have some ‘fun’ with you,” he said as turned Sam around making sure to keep the knife at her throat. Upon finding out that she was most likely going to be raped, Sam instinctively placed her free hand over her abdomen in an attempt to protect her unborn child. “Please don’t hurt me! I’m pregnant,” she said, hoping that the stranger might change his mind.

Unfortunately, this had the exact opposite effect on the situation. The mans face lit up, “I’ve always wanted to have a pregnant woman,” he said, looking Sam up and down. “You must not be very far along, though. I couldn’t even tell that you were pregnant,” he said, raising her shirt up to expose what he could now see was a small baby bump. “I’m glad to see you weren’t lying to me about being pregnant. If you had been lying to me,” he stopped ominously as he ran the knife over the now exposed baby bump. Sam knew what her attacker meant, and although Sam had no doubt that he would have hurt possibly kill her had she been lying, but wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t do so anyway.

The next twenty minutes was a complete blur for Sam as she was raped by an unknown and disgusting man. Just after he had finished as was pulling his pants up, Sam saw her opportunity and lashed out at her attacker. Sam then tried to get away from him anyway she could. Sam only made it halfway through the living room when the man caught up to her, “that was a stupid move, bitch!” he yelled as he stabbed Sam multiple times in the abdomen. Once the attack was over the man ran out the front door and almost collided with Freddie Benson.

When the front door opened as Freddie approached the house, he thought that Sam had seen him pull in and was coming to get the items she requested. When an unknown, disheveled, and the very pungent smelling man ran out of the house with what appeared to be blood on his shirt, Freddie was shocked. Freddie was about to run after the man when he remembered that Sam had been in the house. Running into the house, Freddie was greeted by a horrific sight. There, in the middle of the living room was Sam, bleeding from what looked to be several stab wounds, “SAM!” Freddie screamed, dropping the bags in his arms and running to his injured wife.

Freddie knelt down next to Sam, “Sam, Sam, you need to open your eyes!” he said, scooping her limp body into his arms. Sam weakly opened her eyes upon hearing her husband’s voice, “Freddie,” Sam said her voice feeble from the loss of so much blood. “Sam,” Freddie choked out through the tears that were cascading from his eyes. “Sam, stay with me,” he said as he grabbed his phone with his free hand. Dialing 911, Freddie hit the speakerphone icon and tossed the phone to the ground next to Sam. His conversation with the 911 operator was nothing but a blur to Freddie because the next thing he knew two paramedics were standing in their living room.

The paramedics worked furiously on Sam to try and stabilize her, and all Freddie could do was stand there helplessly watching and praying that Sam and the baby would pull through. Sam was as tough as they come, but Freddie wasn’t sure if even she could survive, not seeing what he had. Looking at his blood-soaked hands, Freddie’s mind began running through the different possible scenarios. Would Sam survive? If she did, would Sam be her old self, or would she be shell-shocked and unable to do anything? Then his thoughts turned to their baby, would he or she survive this gruesome attack? Freddie shook those thoughts from his head, he would have time to think about them at a later time, and right now, Sam needed him.

“Mr. Benson,” one of the paramedics called, but Freddie was too lost in thinking about what if’s that he did not hear the paramedic call him. “Mr. Benson!” the medic called loudly, and this time getting Freddie’s attention, “Sir, we need to get your wife in the rig and to the hospital ASAP.” Freddie nodded and followed them to the ambulance. As soon as Sam was loaded in, Freddie hoped in the back with one of the medics while the other slammed the door and jumped into the driver’s seat and took off.

The trip to the hospital actually took about ten minutes, but to Freddie, it seemed like hours. In that short ten-minute time frame, Sam had crashed and been resuscitated twice, and each time Freddie felt his heart drop like a stone. The paramedic driving had been on the radio with the hospital since the other had her hands full with Sam the entire trip. Now Freddie wasn’t an idiot, he had seen what that lunatic had done to his wife, but he was still hopeful that the doctors could save her. The back doors of the ambulance were opened before the ambulance came to a full stop, and the gurney with Sam and their unborn child were swiftly removed and shuttled into the emergency room.

Freddie followed to walk into the ER proper with them, but was stopped by a nurse, “I’m sorry sir, but you can’t go back there,” she said sternly. Freddie was ready to barrel past the lady when he remembered something his mother had told him many times before, “family isn’t allowed in the ER, not just for their safety, or the doctor’s for that matter,” Marissa paused trying to find the correct way to word what was going to say. “Sometimes people need to intubated or even operated on right then and there, so we keep the family away, so they don’t have to see things like that,” she finished satisfied by her explanation.

His shoulders slumping, Freddie grudgingly stepped away from the nurse and made his way to the waiting area grumbling under his breath. Knowing the reasons why the family was not allowed in the triage area made Freddie even more anxious not less, sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Taking the seat closest to the ER entrance, Freddie could do nothing now but wait and pray.

While waiting for someone to come out to speak with him, Freddie had multiple scenarios playing in his mind, but the one that scared him the most was that he would lose both Sam and the baby. They had survived the loss of one baby, and although Freddie was positive that losing a second child would be worse than the first, he surmised that they would eventually make it through. If he lost them both, Freddie wasn’t confident that he would survive. Sam had always been his single most significant source of strength, hell, if it hadn’t been for Sam, Freddie had no doubt that the loss of his mother and their first baby would have been much worse than they had been.

Freddie had been waiting for almost two hours, and he still had heard nothing about Sam. He had been silently praying that Sam would make it through, and though he wanted the baby to survive as well, Freddie had seen the damage done by that lunatic. Freddie had taken a couple of steps towards the nurse's station to see if he could get an update on Sam, “Freddie!” a familiar voice called from behind him. Turning around Freddie was more than slightly confused when as Carly and Adam made their way over to him. “Freddie, what happened? Is Sam, and the baby alright?” Carly demanded.

“Carly?” Freddie said dumbfounded, suddenly wondering how Carly and Adam knew that they were at the hospital? “Not to sound inconsiderate or anything, but how in the hell did you know we were here?” his tone a little sharper than it should be. “I haven’t called anyone yet.” If either Carly or Adam noticed Freddie’s intonation, they likely chalked it up to whatever the current situation was. Carly looked at Freddie as if he had three heads, “Adam and I stopped by to see if you and Sam wanted to see a movie tonight, but when we got there,” she stopped, Carly knew there was no reason to continue.

“The police told you where we were?” Freddie asked even though the answer was staring him in the face. Both Carly and Adam nodded simultaneously, “we jumped back into the car and got here as fast as we could.” A part of Freddie wanted to unceremoniously tell them to go home and leave him alone, but they had been friends for quite a while, and he knew that neither Carly nor Adam deserved that. Freddie inhaled deeply to try and keep himself from losing whatever semblance of composure he had, “At this point, all I can really tell you is that Sam was attacked by some psychopath,” pausing just a moment Freddie raised his voice, “no one has come out to talk to me yet.”

Freddie didn’t know if anyone at the ER desk had heard him or not, but he was extremely tired of waiting for answers. “Freddie, I’m sure someone will be out soon,” Adam said, taking a seat in the nearest chair, “in the meantime why don’t you sit down. Carly and I will wait with you.” Freddie said nothing but slid slowly into the chair he had been sitting in previously. “How long has Sam been back there,” Carly asked her voice beginning to tremble. Freddie looked at his phone and then at Carly, “almost two hours,” he responded.

Carly stood up to ready to storm up to the desk to get some kind of information about Sam when a doctor stepped out into the waiting room. Making his way toward Freddie, Carly, and Adam and stopped a few steps away, “excuse me, but is one of you Freddie Benson,” he asked with a tone that sent shivers down Freddie’s spine. Freddie stood up and stepped closer to the doctor, “I’m Freddie Benson. How is Sam? Is she going to survive? What about the baby,” he asked, hoping for the best but fearing the worst.

The young doctor’s face fell, “I’m sorry, Mr. Benson, but we weren’t able to save your wife or the baby. The damage done to her abdominal region was quite extensive, and we weren’t able to stop the bleeding.” The doctor watched as tears began streaming down not just Freddie’s face but also of the two other’s currently sitting on either side of Freddie. “Can I see her,” Freddie asked. He knew that the doctor was not lying to him, but it still didn’t seem real, he needed to see her, to see that this was really happening and not a colossally sick joke or crazy dream.

“Of course, please follow me and I’ll take you to her.” As Freddie stood to follow, Carly spoke up, “excuse me,” she said before checking his name tag, “Dr. Williams, can we come back as well?” “Are you a family member,” he asked. Carly looked up at Dr. Williams, “not by blood, but Sam and I were as close as any sisters,” she said her eyes pleading. “Normally we only allow family members back in these situations, however, if Mr. Benson is okay with you coming back then, it’s fine with me.” Carly, Adam, and Dr. Williams all turned to look at Freddie waiting for him to speak.

Freddie looked up at Carly, “I’m sorry, Carly, but not this time. This is something I have to do by myself, please understand.” Carly nodded, she did understand, but that didn’t mean she liked it. “We’ll be waiting out here whenever you’re ready,” she said, embracing her longtime friend. Breaking their hug, Freddie turned to Dr. Williams, “are you ready,” he asked solemnly. “No, but delaying it won’t do me any good either,” Freddie said as another round of tears began to fall.

Stepping through the curtain that had been closed around the gurney they had brought Sam in on, Freddie suddenly found it laborious to walk, his legs feeling as if they had lead weights attached. Dr. Williams grabbed the sheet, slowly he pulled it back to expose the now exceedingly pale face of Sam. Seeing his wife like this, the stark contrast of the bright and boisterous person she had been, was almost as painful as being told Sam had died. Freddie stepped closer to his wife’s body, half expecting, half wishing that Sam would open her eyes and he would find out that this had all been a joke.

As the minutes ticked by, Freddie was becoming painfully aware that this was no joke, bad or otherwise. Picking up Sam’s hand, Freddie placed a gentle kiss on it before putting it back by her side. As he continued to hold her hand, tears began to cascade down his reddened cheeks and fall haphazardly on Sam. For the second time in the same day, Freddie’s head felt as if it were spinning out of control, and it terrified him. Several times Freddie tried to speak, but nothing was immediately forthcoming.

Carly and Adam were waiting as they said they would when Freddie finally stepped back out into the waiting room. “Freddie,” Carly called out as she and Adam made their way over to Freddie. Carly wrapped Freddie in a hug while Adam stayed back to give Freddie some space, the look on Freddie’s face made it clear to Adam that even Carly was pushing his limits.

“Freddie, I am so sorry,” Carly said releasing him from the hug. Freddie looked down at Carly, noting her eyes were red from the tears that she had undoubtedly been shedding, “thank you,” Freddie said weakly. Taking multiple deep breaths, Freddie attempted to negate the lightheadedness he was currently experiencing. The deaths of his mother and unborn children had all been painful, but they couldn’t hold a candle to what Freddie was feeling at the loss of his wife.

It had been several weeks since the incident that caused the death of Sam and their second unborn child. The man responsible had escaped from the Portland police, and traveled over one hundred and fifty miles to Seattle was caught a few days after the attack, but by then it was too late for Sam. The monster did receive a life sentence because of the barbaric nature of the attack, but it didn’t feel like it was enough. Freddie did not usually believe in the death penalty, but in this “person’s” case, he thought that it would have been appropriate.

Freddie knew that putting that monster to death would not bring Sam or the baby back, but it would keep it from possibly happening again to someone else should he escape again. Freddie tried his best to at least begin to work through his grief, but it never abated even a tiny bit. When Freddie spoke about it, everyone told him the same thing, “give yourself more time,” but Freddie didn’t want more time, he wanted his wife back he wanted the chance to start a family. The losses Freddie suffered over the last year had left him mentally beaten and battered, and was now at the end of his proverbial rope.

Now Freddie sat in the darkened home office the revolver loaded with a single bullet in his hand, his finger grazing the side of its trigger. This was not the first time that Freddie had been close to pulling the trigger, but each time Freddie found it more and more difficult to stop himself. The will to live had slowly but surely ebbed away since Sam’s death and Freddie wanted nothing more than to be with Sam, one way or another.


End file.
